Tired

    It's been one of those weeks. I have Taekwondo Nationals on Friday, a school deadline in six days that I'm pushing very close, ten days after that, I leave for Georgia, three days after I get back from there, I leave for Malawi, Africa. It's been one of those weeks that I'm swamped with school, nervous for what's coming up, no end in sight until after January, and God feels really far away.

    "UHHH, how could Taylor say that?" I know, you're not supposed to say those things. We're supposed to walk along our lives and pretend all is well, like God is just riding in the passenger seat with us all the time. I'm just being honest; God doesn't feel like he's sitting next to me right now.

     David, in Psalm 22, says this exact thing. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning. O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer: and by night, but I have no rest." You can read David's feeling through those two sentences. God, where are you? What are you doing to me?

     I've said it before, and I'm going to say it again. I'm not the kinda teenager who gets spiritual dreams every night, interprets them, and them carries them out the next morning. The one time I'd get a dream from heaven, I'd probably wake up, sit bolt upright in bed, and go, "Wow, that was weird", lay back down, and go to sleep. I'm not some super spiritual guy.

     Now is one of those times I don't feel like reading my Bible, or praying, or singing, or even blogging. I can already feel that I'll hit the Snooze button tomorrow morning. God doesn't feel close. But that is when these other truths are so important, the truths that don't just pop into your head on their own. Jesus is here, whether I feel Him or not.

     Jesus is here, all the time. I know that sounds like something a six-year-old in kindergarten would say, but it's just as true for a stressed 16-year-old. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. I can feel that He is far away, and I do; I can feel alone, and I do; and I can feel that no one understands, and I do feel that way sometimes. But it doesn't change the amazing, unchangeable truth that my God is good, all the time. My God is here, all the time.

     He is there, all the time. He hears, all the time. He listens, all the time. Even when I push Him away, He is there. He will never leave us, nor forsake us, no matter how much we may feel alone, He is there.

     Sometimes I need to go back to spiritual kindergarten. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. It's 11:00 at night, and I just opened my Bible for the first time today. Even when I don't want to know God, even when I just want to go to bed, God is good. God is there. God hears.

     I know we all go through those times. Our spiritual high peaks, then crashes, I know. But during those times, go back to spiritual kindergarten and refresh those truths in your mind. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. Even when I'm tired, when I'm stressed, when I have a long list of things to do, things to get done, God is good; God is my Hope.

     Remember that. I may be the only person reading this who's going through one of these times, but I hope this helps someone. It's not deep, it's not grandiose. It's just the simple, nitty-gritty truth of Christianity. Following Jesus isn't always a trip to Africa or a generous monetary gift to the church. Sometimes it's as much as we can do just to put one foot in front of the other and keep telling God, "I'm here. I'm open. I'm tired, but I'm willing." It's smiling at the autistic child in a restaurant; it's getting up with a whiny four year old in the middle of the night; it's giving 10 bucks to a homeless guy; it's simply following Christ.

     He is good, all the time. He is always there; He will always hear. I don't feel like it right now; I'm depressed, but he's here. He's here, and He's listening.